Spring timmmmmme for Mos-cowww and Ruu-ussiaaaaa

В конце концов, весна пришла!!!  Слава богу...

Spring in Moscow means a lot of elements of life here that I haven't seen yet are popping up like daisies (or how I imagine daisies pop-up...haven't really seen any flowers here that aren't wrapped in wax paper and sold for a small fortune on the street). 

I've managed to mentally and photographically compile a small list that seemed like it might be worth sharing. 

So without further ado, first impressions of SPRINGTIME in MOSCOW:

Rollerblades.  Everywhere

The mullets!  Oh, the mullets...this is not a springtime phenomenon, but lately they seem to be taking over the city. 

Как дела, ladies?

Many couples have taken their PDA (emphasis on the P) from the metro escalators to the streets.

Much like the couples, the Moscow strays (cats and dogs) have moved their activities from the metros and переходы (underground crosswalks) to the streets above.  I KNOW I KNOW I shouldn’t try to make friends with them.  Sigh.

A cute kitty I found on Космодамянская наб.

A larger portion of the drinking in Moscow has been moved from excessively-heated, stuffy apartments out into the gorgeous spring weather.  This has led to an increase in scenes like the one below:

I see the same old situation by this same bench every thursday.  Someone takes humpday (night) pretty seriously, I guess. 

Мороженое!! (Ice cream!)  Little stands like Айсберри (Ice berry- transliterated) are finally making some money- and deservedly so. 

No, I did not take this picture.  But вот!!  У нас есть visual representation!

Hooded crows.  Ok, not sure if these are new but I didn't see them around in the winter.  Actually I'll check their migration pattern on wikipedia to verify- and to make sure I can avoid any possible contact with them in the future.  They are terrifyingly huge and have the coordination of pigeons, which have a tendancy to mistake your face for sky and fly directly into you.  Or maybe that's just me?   Sorry Moscow, but you have some stupid pigeons.   

Terrifying.  Taken from afar, just how National Geographic photographers capture images of equally dangerous animals...like lions.

Переход singers!  I’ve heard all sorts of traditional Russian songs and folk tunes in the metros and переходы.  A friend of mine in Petersburg actually has a really wonderful story about singing and playing guitar recently on Невский проспект with a friend.   I’m a fan.

A marked increase in daydreaming students- but who can blame them?  The weather is gorgeous, everyone can feel summer approaching, and motivation is harder to come by. 

Lovely 8:45pm sunset on the Moscow River.  

That's all for now I guess.   More later!

Верные Друзья???

In English, the title of this post translates to mean either* "Loyal Friends" or "Faithful Friends," which happens to be the name of the calendar that Emily (my roommate) bought for our kitchen.  Each month the calendar shows a picture of two animals, whose relationship supposedly reflects the spirit of the name and calendar theme.  

It was just three days ago that Emily showed me the calendar, and after some joint effort we managed to attach it to the wall.  We then stood back to admire the supposedly beautiful friendship between the two fluffy January bunny rabbits…only to realize that these creatures appear to be anything but friends.  They're shoved together in an artificial-looking still life with hastily bundled carrots and a background of hazy Christmas tree decorations.  On top of that, each appears to be only vaguely aware of the other's presence.  Emily was quick to point out that if the calendar followed the same theme, but with people, the equivalent photograph would be a picture of "you and your weird uncle standing awkwardly apart from each other in the same room.”  Whatever you might call them, these were NOT Верные Друзья.

We continued to flip through the pages in the calendar in search of absolutely верные друзья...only to realize that all of the animals appeared to be either entirely indifferent to each other, or were acknowledging each others' presence in the same way citizens of Moscow relate to each other on the metro: in a fleeting, noncommittal way.  We were disappointed to say the least.

However, rather than waste such a purchase we decided to rectify the creator’s mistake by adding dialogue to each picture in order to honestly represent the nature of the friendship being portrayed.  So I bought a pack of sharpies at Библио-Глобус, the fantastic bookstore near the Лубянка metro stop, and we proceeded to deface the calendar and wound up with the image below:

Only the day before our artistic addition, we also found an absolutely EPIC calendar featuring a single picture of Putin, decked out in full Moscow winter garb and staring beyond a pair of absurdly large binoculars into some distant future in which Russia has finally been given global appreciation for it’s victory in WWII**.  We managed to juxtaposition the two pictures in the kitchen so that Putin’s distant yet powerful stare would be directed exactly towards the picture of the animal “friends”.

(note...image has been edited based on a song from a 90s TV show that Emily and I sometimes sing)

While it’s only a small contribution to the décor of the apartment, I have to say it is by far my favorite.  Now, if only we actually used either of the calendars…

*An example of the difference between these two words: today during class we were practicing adjectives, and one woman described her husband as being верный, while another described her cat with the same adjective.  A crude example of the subtleties of translation...

**In both my and Emily’s experience, many Russians have demanded acknowledgement of their winning WWII as if...well, as if this was something we care just as much as they do.  Go figure. 

(BONUS PIC: look this is Emily!!!)

Lessons from a hyperactive 5 year old.

Two times a week I tutor a little 5 year old boy named Misha who is, minus a basic understanding of two or three songs and the alphabet, a brand new English speaker. 

Going into a tutoring lesson with a five year old is more or less like entering a battlefield, and I’ve learned a few tricks along the way that have helped us to come out of our lessons alive, and with each of us having learned something new (his newfound knowledge having to do with English, mine having to do with teaching, persuasion, and self-defense techniques).

Here are some things I have learned:

First of all, you’ve got to take stock of your weaponry and defenses before battle, and of your opponents weaknesses. 

For example:

Misha is working with:

-Extreme distractibility

-More energy than a puppy on speed

-Astonishingly good aim, and an alarming willingness to throw whatever small object he finds near him…at me

-Overwhelming cuteness

In my corner, I have:

-Ability to distract (I’ve learned it works both ways!)

-Educational songs (these have a magical power over 5 year olds, as I’ll explain in a minute)

-Quick reflexes and superior strength

The following is a recounting of yesterdays lesson, where the full battery of attack and defense mechanisms was put to use:

-When we first started off the lesson, I tried to help him shake out some energy with a song that involves movement.  We were both in sync, using English, and all smiles at this point.

Soon Misha was darting around the room- the dance movements turned into a full on tumbling, running, flipping session.  I managed to convince him to slow down with a game of Dominos, which went very well for about 20 minutes.  Misha was using more and more English, and only threw two dominoes at me.  So far, it was a success!

After 20 minutes of dominoes, I move back to play a song (it’s a good way to break up lessons for him, usually).  But instead of singing, Misha decided to engage in his second favorite activity- hiding.  After some stern attempts at persuasion, I switched to my distractibility defense.  At this point his head was shoved between the couch and the wall, and his legs were dangling in the air (also not an uncommon situation), and I pulled out an “ABC” book.  With the enthusiasm that one usually reserves for a really fantastic gift or, I don’t know, winning the lottery, I “oohed” and “ahhed” over the book and gasped at the simple pictures of apples, balls, ducks and crocodiles.  Misha managed to extract himself from the crevice and came over to investigate, curious as to what could possibly be so interesting (I could have been holding a brick and he still would have come over.) 

Since the lesson last week, whenever he doesn’t want to do something he has started saying ‘SNOW!’  instead of “NO!”  Unfortunately this is adorable, and catches me off guard. 

However, almost every question I ask at this point, Misha responds to with “SNOW!”

So he was engaged with the book for maybe 5 minutes, then returned to yet another crack between the couch and the wall, smushing his face against a painting.

Out of ideas, I decided pull out my secret weapon- singing.  It’s like a magic spell. Misha CAN’T not sing, no matter how much he doesn’t want to.

So I start singing “The Wheels on the Bus,” and Misha joins in quietly, trying to resist.   A few times he yells “молчите!!», or “be quiet!!” but it’s no use.  He must give into the singing.

Finally at the end of the lesson, I decided to negotiate with Misha.

Our conversation went as follows (in Russian, except when in bold)

Me: So, what should we do during the next lesson?

Misha: I’m thinking…puppets!!  You bring the puppets and we will put on a show!

Me: Ok, but it has to be an English show.

Misha: Pony puppets!!!!!

Me: Ok…and we can sing some songs?

Misha: SNOW!!!

Me: Snow?

Misha: (giggling) Snow…

I'd say we're moving in the right direction...

It's okay Russia, American holidays are confusing

(found in a grocery store next to evropeskii...apparently the easter bunny is having more than just a few time zone issues)

...what Natalia, Tamara's youngest daughter, just said to me...

"You know what? Even if you're really smart you might not know everything because you know what?  You know what?  'Cause school isn't everything, there might be some secrets too!"


Natalia is home sick from school.  She has decided just now to make a much belated christmas list (sorry Tamara!  I told her that Santa was probably really busy right now, but she says she'll try anyway) and every once-in-a-while she'll come up with a gem like this.  


For example:
We have also discussed the fact that no one has ever seen a picture of Santa, and she considered the possibility of googling a santa picture then passing it off as the real deal for some kind of gain.  
She also gave me a 5 minute summary of the plot to a movie that sounds like the Russian equivalent of "The Labyrinth" (except trippier) and told me about the magical santa candle that makes her fall asleep when she's angry.


I am trying my absolute hardest not to burst out laughing when she says these things, but it's so endearing.  


p.s. she just told me that the world "is...is bigger than 10,000 buildings!"

Shhh it's a secret!!

Yesterday a little 3rd grade boy with spiked hair and glasses hopped down the stairs to find me in the administrators office at school, and triumphantly stated "I know you secret!!"

Some quick background- this boy is one of the kids who heard me speaking Russian with Dasha (the school secretary) a week ago and proceeded to stare dumbfounded at his friend, leading me to stop in my tracks and motion for Dasha to come closer so I could whisper.  It was clear he had overheard us, however.  

During class yesterday he occasionally shouted out his comments in Russian, and I would quickly remind him that I couldn't understand, then move on.  It was later that day that he cornered me in the office- all 4 feet of this 8 year old boy- and told me again "I know you secret!"  I played dumb, and said "What do you mean, you know my secret?  What secrets do I have?" and told his friend who had accompanied him to go outside before whispering to me:

 "You perfectly speaking Russian!"  

My first inclination was to deny it- which I quickly realized was silly, as he had heard me.  I then compromised and said (truthfully) "Well, I speak a little..."  

He responded "No, I hear you!  You speak perfectly!"  He was beaming from ear to ear with sneaky glee. 

I opened my mouth again to set the record straight, but then slowly changed my mind and smiled.  So what?  One 3rd grade boy out there thinks that I speak perfect Russian.  I have no opportunity to disprove him, and you know what?  I'm not going to lie, it kind of makes me feel good.  So instead I motioned for him to come closer and whispered "Ok, you know my secret...but let's keep it a secret, just between us, alright?"  He smiled a little bucktoothed smile and nodded, before skipping out of the office and into the heavily-decorated, christmas-themed hallway.  

Moral of the story: it's nice to know that someone out there is convinced of my perfect language capabilities :)

The Wild Beasts of Moscow (aka Ляля, the wondercat)

Interestingly enough, the animals I've come into contact with here have been some of the most pampered, fully domesticated creatures I've ever met.

 Take for example, Chester- the happy, wriggly bilingual ball of fur that resides with Sasha and co. (stepfamily!).   He's a big friendly mush who would probably think the world was ending if his late-afternoon dinner did not arrive on time.

Every dog I've seen on the street (with the exception of the subway-riding "feral" dogs) is usually dressed to the nines, in more stylish and weather-appropriate clothing than anything I own.  Seriously, even the dogs are more dolled up than me.  

To be fair, the school I work at is located in a fairly posh neighborhood, but honestly- even the pigeons look obese and happy (a strange contrast with the usually delicate, waifishly-thin Moscow ladies I've seen.  I feel like the solution to this strange contrast is somewhere in the problem...)

Anyway, my new best-furry-friend is an incredibly soft, beautiful cat named Ляля (Lya-lya).  He belongs to Tamara's daughter, Katya, and like many pets I've had at some point or another he is perfectly content with his mix-gendered name.  

Here is a picture of Ляля on his special washing machine perch:

Warmest spot in the house.

Sweet kitty lovin'

Ляля's favorite place is in the warmth of the bathroom, where he usually has the occupant's full attention.  He has even perfected the "why have you FORSAKEN me??" look that comes when he realizes that he has missed showertime.  Usually he just sits on his washing machine throne, but sometimes he strolls around his "kingdom" exploring the toiletries, and he once almost jumped into the shower with me in hopes of good head-scratching.  

Unfortunately, for all of his sweetness and almost stalker-like devotion, Ляля is not exactly the brightest crayon in the box.  For example, Tamara calls him the "$3000 cat" due to the fact that he ate a plastic toy which then had to be surgically removed.  And no, not just once- three times.  

Ляля also has a kissing problem.  Literally.  He wants to kiss everything.  During showertime he will kiss the mirror, the faucet, and once tried to kiss my toothbrush.  The other day he was, well, what can only be described as "making out" with a plastic bag.  Like I said- Lyalya is just a "few fries short of a happy meal," ifyouknowwhatI'msaying- but still one of the most lovable little fellows I've met.